25 March 2015

I'll Have What She's Having.

My friend April has a knack for getting anything she wants from her husband. For ten years she's tried to explain her secrets. I thought I owned a brain, but clearly such is not the case. I want this knack that April has. She should write a book.

You should see our DFW home, or not. Still packed with boxes going first to storage and then to Samara; a game room, garage, and patio filled for a garage sale; and a wreck of a bedroom full of once-clean, never folded laundry. For an obsessive organizer, it's my idea of heaven, or not. Too bad it's the maid's year off.

Years ago I learned a little trick. I don't think it was from my mother-in-law, though it's certainly her style. Here goes: Wanna look as though you've not sat down once all day and have been working hard to please your hubby?


Rearrange some furniture. And it need not be a great deal of heavy furniture. Just move around some stuff. Yes, the warning-label on this advice should indicate that the brief use of a vacuum or broom could be involved. Brief! Could! Still, for five minutes worth of work, you'll look as if you spent the day cleaning. Today I probably can work-in a couple of Downton Abbey episodes, a Hoarders episode, and possibly a plane crash flick . . . and still appear exhausted by 17:30 . . . clinging to my half-empty cocktail and explaining to Rusty that I'll need him to tend bar for the remainder of the evening. It's a solid plan, very worthy of my mother-in-law.

Anyway, in between the joys of garage sale prep and movie-watching, I'm staining a greenhouse. In the years of our marriage I bet that Rusty has spent more time training me in how to use stain than he's spent discussing all other subjects on this planet, combined (except for why it's never the right time to clean the pool-filter grids). Nothing frustrates him more than my staining technique (except hanging draperies) . . . and no subject bores me more. Stain comes in a paint can . . . paint it on . . . walk away. 

Without acknowledging that Rusty was right and that the greenhouse may not have required staining in order to sell this home, I'll concede that it doesn't look good with my stain-work. This is because it should have been sealed the moment it was erected; and then it should have been periodically re-sealed. That's my story; I'm stickin' to it. So, gals, what does that tell you? Rusty should have anticipated my staining disability and jumped in to help. I declare, it looks like a little red school house instead of a newly-stained cedar masterpiece. Foolish me. I really believed that Rusty would see it last night and offer to help finish it . . . mitigating my poor work. Note to self: Next time get April's advice. 

Rusty says, Honey, tell me what you need and I'll help. This is a cruel lie that he's perpetrated for decades. For the love of God, man, look around and see what needs to be done!  What will happen when we get back to Samara? I envision years of, Hey, bae, I need your help. Please build a thatched cover over the pool deck where your outdoor kitchen will be placed. Oh, and an artist studio/retreat so you'll have a separate place to play with your toys. But first help me hang these 50 framed pieces of art that I secretly packed.

Should I tell him about the draperies to be hung in the guest bedroom? I'd better call April.

Oh, and please get to work on building your garage . . . 'cause a tool chest in our guest bedroom ain't gonna cut it.

This brings us to the real point of this post. We need more money! We need to pay Lubos to get our pool finished, now . . . and we need funds to get Rusty's garage built immediately when we get back to Samara. These funds were to come from the sale of our home. The home that isn't even listed yet. 

The answer to the financing problem . . . since we might not close for 45-60 days? I'm selling stocks. Spoke to our broker yesterday. So for anyone out there reading this blog as a "how to" guide, we're about to have invested in our home the initial $135,000 for the home, plus $50,000 for the pool, landscaping, and retaining walls. And by the time we're done with the garage and two (2) ranchos, we'll be out another $20,000. Still not expensive per U.S. standards, right? 

So, a total of $205,000, more or less, for a new home on 1.65 acres, more or less. And it is a great home, and we'll be as happy there as we've ever been . . . at least after the garage is completed. I need to join the Experienced Expat Wives (EEW) club to discover how the women of Samara get their way with their husbands. No EEW in Samara? Well then Donna and I have some work to be done. 

Now as long as we're selling stocks for Rusty to get his garage, a covered outdoor kitchen, and a studio, guess who's getting some poolside furniture?

Maybe I'll skip that second episode of Downton Abbey and begin patio-table shopping . . . and promise never-ever to say bae again . . . or eew. Incidentally, I'm not really an alcoholic -- I merely gave-up sobriety for Lent. Lo que hay!