13 January 2016

I Told Those Guys What They Wanted To Hear . . . I Said, Uh, Yeah, Sure. But It Was All Lies.

Green Bee Eater, Botswana
So why weren’t the bird photos on the last post my own photographs? I’m a photographer. Believe me, I’m a photographer. Sometimes I amaze myself; though I concede that when you take over 5,000 photos, the law of averages states that you'll get a few dozens great shots. Still, this photography-in-the-tropics thing is different. Very different.

My friends, Maggie and A.Kaye are both artists in every sense of the word. A.Kaye is a professional photographer; but to describe him only as a photographer doesn’t scratch the surface of his talents. Maggie’s artistic skills span all mediums, including video/film-making. Anyway, they are always inspiring to me. Recently A.Kaye and I have had a little eMail discussion about my willingness (or lack thereof) to broaden my use of our very sophisticated camera equipment. Of course I balked. I’m a creature of obsessive-compulsive habit. 

I was sharing this little eMail relay with Rusty when Rusty pronounced that Pinterest would tell me, step-by-step, how to shoot anything I wanted (with a camera . . . I sold my 20-gauge and 300 Win Mag). I replied, sarcastically, I bet there’s even a YouTube video to teach me. Right? Only about 400 million, Rusty announced. Again, creature of habit. Books! I’m a read-a-book kind of gal. You can learn anything and everything from an actual book. What a world, what a world . . . we’re all so accepting of the Internet, and I’m no exception. How are the mighty fallen!

So I said aloud to Rusty that Pinterest is the new heroin dealer. Then I realized that Pinterest is far more powerful with a longer-reaching arm than merely one single drug dealer. 

Dear God, Pinterest is the new Cosa Nostra. 

They supply all manner of ills/vices; are accountable to no one; and creep dangerously, often covertly into your email and personal cyberspace life. Pinterest is an insidious addiction. It will consume you . . . and I've had my first taste of its heroin-Kool-Aid.

It all starts simply enough. You ponder one interest or inquiry -- Selling your home, for instance. Well, Pinterest has ideas . . . place a bowl of fresh lemons in your kitchen; 10 Inexpensive Home Improvements that are never ever inexpensive; staging ideas that turn out to involve month-to-month rental of furnishings that you’d never actually have in your real-life home. It seems harmless to merely look . . . perhaps imbibe in just a wee sip of the lies-filled Kool-Aid. 

In fact it is far from harmless. It's all consuming. This from the gal who can't sit still for 10 minutes. I find myself on Pinterest for two [insert multiple expletives here] hours! I've turned into Rusty and Sally. I have boards. God, forgive me . . . I have boards.

I assume it is like heroin . . . you think you can handle just a little . . . just once . . . and then you find yourself pinning sewing patterns for aprons. F&@#!%* aprons! Next thing you know, you’re in Pinterest rehab, experiencing DTs when your Internet is down for 12 hours. So what's my point? 

Well first, as previously discussed, most of what's on Pinterest is lies. There, I said it. So will the long arm of Pinterest Cosa Nostra reach into this sacred chamber and put out a hit on this humble blogger? 

Sámara’s first meeting of the new adult coloring club was yesterday. And though I brought several books (real books made of paper) of coloring pages, most of the images I printed came from . . . yep, Pinterest. Remember that line from Aliens? Kill me . . . kill me!! This morning I was back on-line, searching for ocean-themed coloring pages, which seem to be popular since we live . . . where? Near the ocean. But it gets worse. Far worse. I'm making things. I'm creating those gag-me-they're-so-candy signs on driftwood (Modge Podge); and I'm painting pictures on driftwood. I make sea shell rain chains. I'm planting orchids in conch shells. No, I'm not proud of myself; but Step 1 is admitting that you have a problem, right?

Did I mention that I completed War And Peace? And in the weeks since then I’ve become obsessed with Napoleon’s Grand Armée. I really wasn’t willing to stop reading about Borodino and the philosophy of 19th century warfare. Today, just for fun, I typed War And Peace into Pinterest. Raise your hand if you believe that I found pins. 

Happily, my new at-hand read will be my D50 camera manual . . . in between pinning images of vertical planters, 999 Life-Changing Things To Create With Empty Cat Food Tins, 7 Must-Know Secrets to Cleaning Your Sink, and the 10 Top Tips for Washing Your Hands. Incidentally, I've changed the summary on countless pins calling out these lies . . . these folks who say If I was a human, I'd try this . . . If I ever own a home, I'm going to have a closet . . . If I win the lotto, I'm going to buy a Mason jar. I await an email from Pinterest advising that I've been kicked off for policy violations in calling out the lies. Well, it is what it is . . .  lo que hay.